Perhaps it's because I am not feeling well. It seems the flu is trying to catch me.
Perhaps it's because I'm not spending nearly enough time with God. Yep, I think that's it.
My lack of spending time in His word, seeking Him, praying and worshiping have nothing to do with anything. It's not because everything is great and therefore I can slack a bit. Cause things are not great and you can never slack a bit.
It's not because things are terrible and I don't want the conviction. Cause things are not terrible and I still have the Holy Spirit so there is (from time to time) conviction.
I think I'm just tired. I'm tired of failing. This is man made failure. Follow me. Please. I "think" I should get up at a certain time and spend time praying, reading and being with God. I then should take a walk around the block. Next I should shower, dress, check email, wake boys, eat breakfast. Followed by starting school with a happy heart.
I'm whipped just thinking about it. Yet, when I think about doing those things I feel excitement. But the actual doing it I rebel. Why? Why is it that no matter what time I go to bed I cannot get up early? Am I getting to much sleep? Is there such a thing? LOL
I can't stand this "feeling". I can't stand feeling like I'm in limbo. I'm in between knowing what I should be doing and actually doing it. Limbo stinks.
It's time to get a plan. It's time to say to myself "LOOK chic - get it together, grow up, suck it up and do the thing!"
If I want to accomplish the stuff that I believe I should be doing then I simply cannot forsake any time with God. He must be first. I must be in His word. The Bible. Not simply a little devotional, although nice and encouraging, those books are not THE book. I need to be worshipping Christ. I must be praying with confidence and seeking His heart.
Then all this "stuff" will be a lot easier to focus on and do. It will also make it easier to recognize the onset of rebellion (or laziness or being a wimp) and deal with it.
So tomorrow morning I shall rise up and spend time with my God.
