Every so often something happens that causes me to step back from myself. Tonight was one of those times. I acted in a way that I haven't in a while. Someone in a dark colored corvette did donuts right by our house. I got scared. I went in our bedroom and prayed. I even cried. Then I became angry. That's the thing that I shouldn't have done. I turned my emotion into anger. Why? Because back in the day that is how I protected myself. Silly, I know but it's the truth. So then once I fell at God's feet, I apologized to my family. I apologized to my King. Picked myself up and dusted myself off.
Then I tripped again.
I was reading some other bloggers. Homeschool bloggers. They have it all together. They are doing cool science projects, making homemade cookies, helping their husbands, loving their 100 kids, serving God in every way, and so on. Some of that may be a bit of an exaggeration . But none the less I started to feel overwhelmed and not to mentioned, condemned. Started thinking that I have been homeschooling for 4 years. I started when my oldest started Kindergarten. I still don't know what I am doing. Still not sure where we are going. Every day poses new questions with very little answers. My only assurance is that God told me to. Boy do I hold on to that with both hands! He specifically said "Keep them out of the world for a season." Both my husband and I feel that we are to keep them home until 8th grade. So, I know that God and my husband, along with me want this. It doesn't make the day any easier though.
O.K. back to the awesome homeschoolers and their blogs. I have had this tugging feeling that I just may be an unschooler. For those of you who may not know what that is I will try to explain. *THIS IS MY UNDERSTANDING AS OF TODAY :)* An unschooler is someone that views education as part of life. Unschoolers are not time restricted or defined by age/grade. Basically you let life tell you what you learn and when. If your 2nd grader wants to learn fractions then you teach fractions even though the state says they shouldn't learn that until 4th grade. Now with that being said, I have been praying for a schedule, some thing so uncommon to unschoolers. I have been pushing worksheets and timed lessons, again uncommon to unschoolers. I say this because I have been driving myself nuts. The boys are fine. They don't care how I do it as long as we do it so they can continue to play. So as I am reading the blogs God says to me "Be anxious about nothing but pray about everything." To which I say "Yeah but why can't I do this? Why does it seem so hard for me but no one else? Why is it that I am praying and begging for things to change and they will for a time but not forever? Every week is a struggle!" Then once again I find myself reading an article about unschooling. Then I felt in my spirit (which by the way is usually how God talks to me) God saying "Because you are doing it the way you think it should be done. Not the way I have called you to do it." Oh ... oh ... oh, I see ...
So, I went to the library's online catalog and put on hold some homeschool books that talk about unschooling. Maybe I can get a better understanding of what it is, what it looks like and if that is the way I am to do it.
I'll keep you posted. :)
I do know that if I am faithful to do what I think is best while I am seeking God's will and direction, He will be faithful to me.