My heart is not in it

The previous post was inspired by a conversation that my hubby and I had. I was upset about my lack of discipline and schedule. I was upset that I couldn't get everything done that I wanted to. I couldn't school the boys and unpack and keep up on the normal daily house chores. Laundry is at its all time high, dishes are always in sink, bathrooms were at least cleaned, I felt bad about my look. You name it ... it was coming at me. I told Bo how I had felt that God wasn't really answering me. He (God) was giving me great ideas but not the 'how to'. I needed HELP! Well, my husband imparted such great wisdom to me. It took a while to settle into my brain but it instantly resonated with my heart. It's been about a week and I feel that I understand with my head enough to be able to share it with you. Of course you might not get it because sometimes what my head and heart understand my mouth and fingers can not put into words. Is that something that just happens to me? Anyway, basically what Bo said to me is this ... God has answered me. He has given me clear instructions. I just don't really want to put the effort into it. Like God has said to me that I need to start my day sooner. I need to get up before the boys and have some quiet time with Him, Bo and myself. In that order! :) But I don't want to go to bed earlier. I don't want to get up earlier. Oh my head does but my heart says "Let me sleep! Let me stay up and decompress from the day!" Well there probably wouldn't be a need to decompress so much if I prepared my day better. Amen? Another thing we talked about was homeschooling. I know that God has called this for our family. Before I even had our first boy I knew that God had called us to homeschool. So what the heck was my problem? My heart. My heart isn't in it. I believe with my heart that this is for us. Even when my mind says "Put them in school because this is too hard or put them in school so you have some time to yourself!" My heart says "Not on my watch!" Because my mind just wants to escape. But my heart not being in it is more the day to day routine. The doing it well part of our school day. See, I may have lost you with that. I know what I mean! :) My course of action for this, for my heart not being where God is calling me is this ... PRAYER, PRAYER AND SCRIPTURES! I am going to sit down and find scriptures that I can use in my battle. Every day to every moment I am going to ask that for less of me and more of Him. I'm praying for God to change my heart towards all that He has told me to do. God does not want my obedience to be accompanied with complaining! After all He is after our heart. If my heart isn't in it then am I truly being obedient and am I receiving the best from Him that I could be? I doubt it. It's just like with my boys. If I ask them to take out the trash and they do but are grumbling all the way, Am I pleased with their obedience? Not at all. It's the same with our Heavenly Father. I'm reminded of the whole 'cheerful giver'. God wants us to give but cheerfully. Again, a heart issue.
I pray that this all makes sense to you. Please keep me lifted up from time to time. I'd love any verses that you may have for me. Let me know if you have ever faced this, faced where God revealed to you that your heart wasn't in to something. Let me know what you did, what your prayers were and scriptures you relied on.
God Bless You!

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