This is my 100th post! Isn't that something? So, I need to make it a good one. LOL
This past week God has been speaking to me. He has been talking gently. Practically whispering to me.
It is no surprise to anyone that I have a hard time executing plans. I can see the beginning, what is needed and I can see the end but to actually do any of it ... well ... that's my problem. I'm not sure where that all started. I have always been a procrastinator. Not when it came to other people's needs, just my stuff. For the most part it never bothered me. After all, it only affected me.
Lately though, the fact that I can't seem to get any of the things I want to do done, I am annoyed. With myself. So I cry out to God "What the heck is wrong with me?!" God has been so faithful to point out the areas I need to work on. Things like prioritizing my day and stop being selfish with my time. Still ... how do I execute it? What does it look like? Am I even close to the goal?
I don't understand how I can do so great one day and completely screw up the next. I mean the exact same type of day, doing the exact type of thing yet I can't do it twice. For example, yesterday I woke up at 6:45. Now, today, I dragged myself out of bed at 8:30 and that was only because 1. a friend called me ( I didn't answer but I did call her back) and 2. the boys were all up. Why couldn't I get up two days in a row? What in the world?! It's not like I went to bed later yesterday. Both days I went to bed within an half hour of each other.
This morning God told me.
My sweet friend confirmed it.
Then she wrote about it on her blog.
Yes, I said rebellion.
No, I'm not proud.
There is something inside of me rebelling. Something in my heart that doesn't want to do that which I know I should. To make matters worse ... when someone like my precious husband suggests that 'this' or 'that' will help me ... well, forget it! Now I really don't want to. Of course I don't say that, nor do I really think that but my actions do! And isn't that what really counts as a New Testament believer? It's what is deep in our hearts that we do and say. It's our believe system, our thought system, our heart attitude that dictates how we behave. And boy, am I a rebellious gal.
Some would say I am independent. It's okay to be independent if that is what this is. But that is not what I am doing.
Since my chat with my dear friend I have apologized to God. As the day goes though God has kept bringing it back to my mind. Which suggests to me that I need to get on my knees. He's not done talking to me and I am going to give Him my undivided attention.
So, tonight after all is calm and boys are asleep ... I am going to meet with my LORD.
What areas is God talking to you about? If you don't mind sharing I would love to hear about it.