1/29/09

Where do I start? I want so much to have something profound to say. I'd love to share some deep revelation. But I have nothing.

Perhaps it's because I am not feeling well. It seems the flu is trying to catch me.

Perhaps it's because I'm not spending nearly enough time with God. Yep, I think that's it.

My lack of spending time in His word, seeking Him, praying and worshiping have nothing to do with anything. It's not because everything is great and therefore I can slack a bit. Cause things are not great and you can never slack a bit.

It's not because things are terrible and I don't want the conviction. Cause things are not terrible and I still have the Holy Spirit so there is (from time to time) conviction.

I think I'm just tired. I'm tired of failing. This is man made failure. Follow me. Please. I "think" I should get up at a certain time and spend time praying, reading and being with God. I then should take a walk around the block. Next I should shower, dress, check email, wake boys, eat breakfast. Followed by starting school with a happy heart.

I'm whipped just thinking about it. Yet, when I think about doing those things I feel excitement. But the actual doing it I rebel. Why? Why is it that no matter what time I go to bed I cannot get up early? Am I getting to much sleep? Is there such a thing? LOL

I can't stand this "feeling". I can't stand feeling like I'm in limbo. I'm in between knowing what I should be doing and actually doing it. Limbo stinks.

It's time to get a plan. It's time to say to myself "LOOK chic - get it together, grow up, suck it up and do the thing!"

If I want to accomplish the stuff that I believe I should be doing then I simply cannot forsake any time with God. He must be first. I must be in His word. The Bible. Not simply a little devotional, although nice and encouraging, those books are not THE book. I need to be worshipping Christ. I must be praying with confidence and seeking His heart.

Then all this "stuff" will be a lot easier to focus on and do. It will also make it easier to recognize the onset of rebellion (or laziness or being a wimp) and deal with it.

So tomorrow morning I shall rise up and spend time with my God.

3 comments:

This is me. said...

Hugs Terri.

bree said...

It's not just me:) The excitement...and then it doesn't go that way, you're too tired, the kids aren't cooperating, the day isn't shiny and perfect..and somehow we've failed yet again...so how do we do this "thing" right?! Oh my precious friend, we are to no more listen to that nasty enemy's lies! Praying for the Lord's wisdom and discernment to know His truth in situations-not what we think but what He sees-that we may live in His freedom:)
love ya! Great post!

Sarah A. said...

I hear ya, girl. Hang in there. This to shall pass. Love!