checking in ...

I have been terrible at updating this blog. I remember when I first started writing here ... I was so full of excitement. Couldn't wait to share all that the Lord was teaching me. Couldn't wait to pass on some nuggets of gold that I had found. For awhile I was doing very well. Then, well, life happens.

The past year has been extremely difficult to say the least. Actually I would have to say that it started back in 2007. But true to God's fashion He did not allow everything to hit me all at once. There were signs, nudges and a few tugs on my spirit. I did heed most of them but true to my fashion, not exactly as He would have probably wanted me to.

My world was rocked at the end of 09. Rocked is perhaps to simple of a word, to nice of a word.

Shattered. Blown up. Torn apart. Smashed to pieces.

Yea, that is more like it.

Let me tell you though ... I am still standing. Still a tough cookie. Still true to God. Still true to my convictions. Still a really great mom. Still a beautiful woman.

So what happened? Good question. Well, I will give you the short version. After 12 years of marriage and three amazing sons my husband left. He fell in love with another woman.

It's O.K. take your time and re-read it.

Now you won't find me bashing him on here. We all fall short of the Glory of God. He walked away from God long before he walked away from me. Glory to God he has not walked away from our sons. He is trying to do the right thing, of course it is what the world thinks is right but nonetheless ...

What got me through it (not that I am completely through it)? Breaking my knees getting to God's throne. It was as simple (and hard) as that. I ran to Christ naked and unashamed. Totally humbled. Totally surrendered. No expectations except that He would not let me literally die from the pain.

Let me tell you something girls and guys ... I never ever felt abandoned by God. There were nights I woke up vomiting. Days where I didn't eat and nearly passed out. Days where I would cry and cry and cry. Days when I couldn't speak.

God really sustained me and the boys. They had no real idea anything was going on. They knew Daddy wasn't coming home until after they went to bed and left before they woke up. Which was true but on some nights he didn't come home at all.

I continued to home school. We did take a lot of breaks. The kids didn't mind. :) I would use those times to lay on the floor in my room or bathroom and sob my eyes out. Some times I called prayer counselors. Then I would pick myself up and continue on.

I will have to leave the journey there for now. Life calls ...

I will write more later.