Finding my way

Just sitting here enjoying a great cup of coffee while fooling around with my blog.  A much neglected piece of work.  Perhaps an update to font, color and layout will inspire me to write more... Surely that will work.  Maybe reading some other blogs that I follow will spark something inside of me.  Of course, that will do the trick.

Truth be told - nothing inspires me.  I don't mean it all gloomy, it's simply that nothing besides my faith and loving my family really stirs deep inside of me. 

Another truth be told - I lack discipline and perseverance.  GASP!  Although if you have known me long, you may have already suspected as much.

I'm not sure what my problem is with it.  If someone asked me to do something like one of the boys, Bobby or at work, I would be all over it.  Could it be the immediate gratification of helping someone?  Their appreciation of me?  Possibly and I'm sure to some degree but I really think it's an internal dialog that has become white noise in my mind.  That recording that says "what you desire, what you need, what you want, your dreams, your passions, your likes are not, nor will they ever be important enough to do, achieve and therefore stop now before it gets to involved, stop now.  Stop now before you invest talents, time and focus you simply do not have."

Now, I know all that is not true.  I know that if I really wanted something, I would find a way. 

So, 2015 is my year of finding my way -
Finding my way to:

  • a deeper relationship with God.
  • loving deeper those that matter the most to me.
  • financial freedom.
  • being healthier (physically). 
  • growing in my career.
  • finding my passion.
  • being disciplined
  • being organized (time management).
The sad thing is that I know everything is doable.  I just have to do it.  Stay focus, dig deep inside of myself. It's only me.  I can read all the encouraging posts, blogs, books and articles but until I make a change, nothing will happen.  I will be blessed because God is so merciful and gracious to me but I won't be living well. 
I'll be surviving.  Which, if you think about it, that is a bit of a victim mentality. 
The Webster definition of Survive-
: to remain alive : to continue to live: to continue to exist
: to remain alive after the death of (someone)

Now, what I'm about to say in no way takes away the strength of someone who has survived something in their life, whether emotional, mental, spiritual, physical. I am well aware of that strength.

This is just where I am in my life.  I am no longer comfortable being a survivor.  Continuing to live? What kind of life?  Exist?  What kind of existence? To remain alive? Just alive? 

No, no, I want more.  I want to thrive -  to grow or develop successfully : to flourish or succeed

Heck, I don't want to thrive I would rather flourish! to grow well : to be healthy
: to be very successful : to do very well

Yeah, I like that much better!

So here's to 2015 and finding my way to flourishing!

1 comment:

Bree said...

Love you too my friend! Here is to a beautiful year and the continued beautiful work the Father is doing in your lives! Big hugs :)