10/23/08

yada yada yada

This is the part I don't understand. This is the part where I hold God's hand tighter.

JUST yesterday I told my girlfriend Bree that I may have some money for curriculum. No, we haven't bought anything yet. Just been doing it Old School. LOL Anyway.

I was very excited. I had posted some books on Craigslist and someone responded. Then I found a gentlemen who buys used textbooks. I emailed him. I felt very encouraged. I had a plan. I was going to sell some stuff and have money to buy the things I need. Things that I believe God told me to buy many months ago.

I even had a conversation with God about prioritizing the curriculum list. I would get the Language Arts stuff first then focus on actual math stuff at a later time.

By tonight everything went down hill. The lady texts me. She said that she couldn't get the books right now and to sell them to someone else. The guy emailed me back and said that he couldn't use the textbooks I had.

There went my plans. Now, I realize that "His ways are not our ways." I realize that the best way to make God laugh is to tell Him your plans.

Yada yada yada.

Seriously.

I felt my heart just sink in my chest. Stuff like this keeps happening. So close yet so far. Come here. No stay away. Take hold. Let go.

Over and over again. What am I missing?

Probably nothing.

I'm tired. My body aches. I know it's from stress. Monday night I went to bed crying because of back pain.

I haven't hurt this bad in years.

The pain is easing up since Tuesday. Glory!

I know that God is with us. I know that He is in charge. I am waiting on Him as patiently as I am able to. Which is actually a lot. I know things will turn around. God's word does not return void.

It's just harder some days then others.

I'm holding on to Psalm 16 which has been a favorite of mine for a couple of years now. Take a moment to read it here.

God bless and may He keep you safe.

1 comment:

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