Right now I am sitting with my youngest at my feet. He is an amazing 9 year old boy. He is doing his project which is due tomorrow. I'm answering questions as I search the web. My oldest son will be 13 tomorrow. THIRTEEN! Crazy. He, too, is wrapping up homework so I am answering questions as I search the web. My middle dude is making a bed-time snack as I search the web (hee hee)
I am truly blessed.
I have been working at my place of employment for a year now. It has truly blessed me. I enjoy everyone I work with. We are like a family. Every day I am still excited to go to work.
The boys are doing really well in school. Honor Roll, all three. I've been able to have lunch with Ry a few times. Which is always so fun. Once work settles down a bit, I've been working over time since my office manager has been out, I'm going to take M and D out for lunch. It's so important to stay connected with each one. We've never been the sit-at-the-kitchen-table-eating-dinner kind of family. Now, sitting around the coffee table watching Biggest Loser ... yeah that is more like us. So I am making time. Whether it's just two of us heading up to WaWa for some gas or taking a minute in the hall way to say "Hey, you are awesome. How was your day?"
For months I have said in the morning "Have a great day. I will see you when I get off work. I love you." The usual response has been "K. Love you too." Just this week I have been so surprised by my three sons. Ry, who leaves before I usually do, turned around in the driveway and said "Do you work today?" Me- "Yes" Ry -" Then you have a great day too!" Wow! Then, D said to me "OK Mom. I love you too and have a great day at work today." Neat! The next thing I know M texts me with "Love you too Mom. Have a great day!" It is just sooo nice :)
There are still moments. M seems the most angry. But, with God's grace, we are getting through it. M and D seem to have lost an interest in God. I know I didn't help. I allowed Fellowship to go onto the back burner. I still read, I still studied and Lord knows, I still prayed but I didn't make sure our bottoms were at church every Sunday. I know my kids are disappointed with God. With His help and mercy things will change.
I've been reading the Bible with Ry. He is excited about his relationship with Christ. This has gotten D asking questions. This weekend we are heading back to church. I started going back a few weeks ago but between the flu and Dad having the boys every other weekend ... this is the first weekend everyone will be feeling good and home. I bought a little 100 day devotional for teens. M and I talked about it and we, the four of us, are going to sit down every Wednesday and read one. I'm looking forward to it. Who knows what I am going to learn :)
I get all teary eyed thinking about my boys and my life now. They are such troopers.
There is still some pain left for me. Some days I look at my husband and ache to be back with him. Then there are days when I am O.K. that we are not together. I would say that I am more at peace then at pain. God truly is the Healer. I know He is healing my children. I am getting over the whole "This isn't what I wanted ... " thing. No, it's not what I wanted but it is what I have and it is good.
I have learned that God is a lamp unto my feet. I have learned not to look to forward down the path. I only have so much light and I'm using that light wisely. I'm looking at Christ's face. I'm looking at my kids. I'm looking at just the here and now.
I do have some goals that are a little further out. Like I am going to go to college. I will probably start this summer. I'm going to be busting my butt in 2011 to pay off all debt so that some time in 2012 I can buy a house. I plan on getting into a routine of exercising and continue to loose weight. But that is about as far as I have gotten. Which is pretty good if I do say so myself.
Life is a precious gift ... God is good ... Children are a gift from the Lord ... Love waits ... Friends pray ... Hearts hurt ... Joy cometh ... I still smile and laugh ...
I am truly amazed at how far things have come in the past year or so. Do I still hurt? You bet but it's further and farther between. God heals and His peace comes. The Holy Spirit is the Comforter.
God, You are good and Your mercies endure forever!